1. |
In my Head
05:09
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i thought i had it figured out
now every time i walk around my house
im interrupted by a sudden loss of might
heart starts racing like that of a mouse
running from the felines line of sight
from time to time the sun shines into
my room
a burial mound of scattered clothing shoes and rags
dust brushes on my face the silence deafens with a boom
the days all blend together one is no different from the last
its slowing time yet speeding up, fueling a fire with a love for old lovers and those yet to come
i thought i had it all figured out
now every time i walk around my house
im interrupted by a sudden loss of might
i am nothing but a mouse
running from the felines line of sight
all i want to do is scream at you for what you say in my head
for how i make myself feel like id be better off dead
a disconnect between reality and me
a constant headache looming in my psyche but
fighting myself aint ever enough
my parents never taught me how to love
punished for hurting myself
they never taught me how to love
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2. |
Picture Frames
04:15
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I’ve been shaving more recently, maybe it’s because I change easily or maybe because I hate that piece of me, I’ll never know. It’ll grow back in a week or two like the dead yet thriving grass on my, I mean their lawn. Sloping with no sense of direction, similar to my own perplexion, cascading into hours of maintenance per week. My grandfather did before me, the tedious work he loved, (he loved) me like his own son. I could never repay him for all he’d done, for me. That’s why it hurt the most when he passed. I don’t even remember what I said last. Was it worthy of any weight? Did my time with him satiate, all the years he spent on me? Did he ever know how much he meant to me? They say “there’s a will there’s a way” but for me when there’s a Will I say, I love you.
now standing at the edge of my bed a shadow fills my mind with dread and peace the synergy of two opposing energies i rub my eyes weary from rest but figure still stays silently staring ever present in the darkness of the night time the morning sun lifts the veil and the figure is no longer there, the feeling yet remains of dread and peace in my mind all i see is his face, implanted in my memory years of love and grace, i know youre watching down on me at least from the picture frames,
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This Ain't It Portsmouth, New Hampshire
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